Boldly Go Solo

One half of a couple travels solo in Japan

I landed upon the blog of a woman who normally travels with her kids and her "other half," who she says takes good care of her by packing and doing laundry for her. (Is he for rent?)

Recently, she had the opportunity to travel in Japan on her own for two days. "Big deal, right?" she writes. "But to me, it was a big scary deal."

She hadn't traveled alone before, not even on a business trip. She feared having no one to talk to and no one to remind her of the essentials, like taking her meds.

Her blog post on solo travel is long so I'm going to pull out the pertinent bits, including that she has also had "rip-roaring fights" on some of her travels with this treasure of a packer and launderer, so remember that nothing is perfect and score one for solo travel versus angry partners.

So, she finally gets to her destination and realizes she not only has the whole room to herself, but can soak in the tub for as long as she likes without kids banging on the door. She can surf the net without anyone nagging. She can have a meal without having to cut up meat for a child or referee a fight.

Solo travelers need a sense of humor and an iron stomach

In February I offered some reader stories of mangled language attempts and misunderstandings while traveling in foreign countries. Here's another, from Gayle who has a fun food website called BeenThereAteThat.

Gayle has traveled the world and tells this story about her stay in Tashkent, Uzbekistan:

Looming over me was a blur of aquamarine eye shadow, crimson blusher and frosted orange lipstick, topped by a head of henna-red hair that would make a mad scientist jealous. Zoya ran a state-owned cosmetics factory, and no doubt, was also one of its best customers. I was her house guest for a week-long homestay during my visit to Tashkent, Uzbekistan. But at that moment, I felt more like her hostage.

 She had plunked a plate down in front of me with some slices of lean, medium-rare meat. She didn't know a word of English - and she didn't need to. I could read her thoughts like a native speaker. "You vill find dis to be de most tantalizing and delightful meal you haff ever eaten, and I vill stare at you until I know eet ees trrrrrue!"

I picked up my knife and fork, then sawed off a bite. What is this stuff? I wondered. Not a filet, not a tenderloin. It didn't look quite like anything I'd ever eaten before. The slices were neat little ovals, rosy in the center, fading to gray at the edge. Not a bit of fat. Despite my dread, it tasted good.

Solo traveler overcomes fear and other factors to get out on the road

I want to share this amusing (to me) post about how you don't need to be someone with special skills or abilities to be able to travel by yourself and enjoy it.

In "Confessions of a Solo Female Traveler," the writer says that she's scared, paranoid, a worrywart, introverted, unadventurous and neither rich nor physically fit.

But...

She likes to travel. And she does it solo. Not by choice at first. But now, she's seen the light.

Every traveler has his or her own style. You don't have to be Ms. or Mr. Super Adventurous Person to go the solo route. You just have to want to travel and not let lack of a travel partner deter you.

Our unadventurous solo traveler puts herself out there on the Internet to say that she's not the bravest or most confident kid on the block, but she still finds she wants to get out there and travel on her own. Because she can. And because she gets something joy out of doing so.

She encourages others to do the same.

Dining solo in Austin, Texas

Because I couldn't bear the thought of staring at the four walls of my hotel room and eating a dreary dinner in a hotel restaurant, I pushed myself to stick with my original plan: Dinner at Garrido's. A casual Mexican restaurant somewhere in Austin.

The result? An action-packed night filled with squeaky bats, soft tacos, and a stroll through the Sixth Street Warehouse district of Texas' capital city.

I'd decided on Garrido's before I arrived in Austin. It had recently been given high marks by a Wall Street Journal writer reviewing the city's restaurant scene.

"At Garrido's, which opened in June, chef David Garrido marries his background as the longtime chef at Jeffrey's, one of the fanciest restaurants in Austin, to his Mexican and Texan heritage. In the Tex-Mex tradition of a groaning platter, tacos are served with rice and beans, but they're filled with mahi mahi, coffee rubbed rib eye or lightly battered oysters."

And no entree costs more then $11. I was sold.

I thought it would be within a few blocks of the Hilton, where I was attending a conference, but it was more like three-quarters of a mile away. I momentarily felt deterred. But I wasn't going to let myself back out of my plan.

Earlier, a work colleague had offered to keep me company if I wanted to go out to eat. She had a dinner with clients at 7:45 but she was willing to sip a drink while I ate.

I was tempted. Company for dinner! But I hadn't seen anything of Austin and this was my only chance. I'd spent two days cooped up in hotel ballrooms. If I went with her it would have to be early and someplace close. Instead, I stuck to my plan.

That doesn't mean I didn't feel uncomfortable heading off to dinner alone. What would I encounter? Would dinner be weird, sitting by myself? Always, always, always, I feel the apprehension. But 10 times out of 10, the apprehension is way worse than the actual experience of dining alone. 

I headed out, walking briskly, hanging on to a map a woman at the reception desk had printed out for me. Eight blocks down Fourth Street. Turn Left.

The first couple of blocks felt a little deserted. I made a mental note to ask the restaurant about taxi service back. Right soon (don't you think they'd say something like that in Texas?) I came upon street art.

Solo travelers avoid psychotic travel companions

Most travel writers, and many other adventure travel lovers, have read a story or two of Tim Cahill's.  The adventure writer is "famous" for being one of the founders of Outside Magazine and for having what some consider one of the best jobs ever: traveling and writing about fabulous places around the world.

New West recently ran an interview with Cahill and he was asked what lessons his travels have taught him. I must quote what he said:

"Avoid psychotic traveling companions.

There's a corollary to that. The most carefully-chosen traveling companion becomes the most psychotic."

If you've ever experienced this, or some milder version, you know why solo travel is not the worst travel predicament. Far from it.

Because in addition to the psychotic companion, there's the irritable one, the complainer, the one who doesn't want to do anything you want to do but keeps asking, "hey, what do you want to do today," the picky eater, the late sleeper, the early riser, the cheap friend, the extravagant friend...and how did you not know this before?

If you only have a limited number of vacation days, you really don't want to waste time with that sort of nonsense. Nor pick a fight. Nor miss the things you want to do after spending a whole lot of money to get to the place you wanted to go.

If you're lucky enough to have a great travel companion, good for you. If you don't, and you feel sorry for yourself because of it, reread this post. As many times as it takes.

And if that doesn't work, go ahead and needlepoint yourself the Cahill quote.

Tuscon spa offers hiking and morning exercises

I wake up but do not get out of bed. The Iron Girl triathlon was the day before. A .6 mile swim, 17 mile bike and 3.4 mile run. I finished. "To finish is to win," as JT, a fellow triathlon "girl" kept telling the eight of us doing it. I won.

In that sense.But I do not know how my muscles will react to vertical. Instead of throwing my legs over the side of the bed, letting my feet hit the floor and my body go upright, I stay on my back and lift my knees to my chest. And pull. Stretch.

I lower my legs. Lift the left one all the way up. Straight. Then reach it across my body to the right so it's perpendicular to the rest of me. And stretch. I repeat on the right side with my left leg. Feels good.

I continue these stretches and gentle exercises. As many as I can remember.All learned nearly two years ago now, at Devon Hiking Spa. "Fit Health into Life" is the spa's tagline, and this is what I'm doing. Fitting healthy stretching into my morning. (Tucson solo trip stories here. Read in reverse chronological order.)

I don't remember all I learned during my week in Tucson. But I remember how good it felt to contemplate morning instead of diving into it. Instead of rushing and buzzing and scrambling to start the day. As I usually do.

I admit I haven't been doing those exercises every day since that trip. But there are mornings when I remember. Either because something aches. Or I'm not willing to get out of bed too quickly.

I also remember my lessons about eating mindfully, not gorging at meals. Not that I can always follow those either. I try to gauge when I'm starting to feel satisfied and stop eating. It doesn't always work but each time I tend to think about my options and often I succeed at "being good."

It is not essential to finish everything on my plate. Sometimes, I find it fascinating how hard it is to stop eating. To purposely leave just one bite. It's a challenge to the irrational desire to finish what's in front of me, even though if that bite weren't there I wouldn't miss it. Try it. Leave one bite of food on your plate at every meal. Can you do it?

What's my point here? My point is, I traveled alone to a beautiful part of the country because no one was able to go with me. Met a nice group of people to hike, eat and exercise with. The health lessons have stayed with me. I would have missed out if I had passed on this trip.

Instead, I have post-triathlon exercises to do, better eating habits than before and fond memories of red rocks, rushing streams, snow in the desert (it was December), skittering critters and intriguing visions of myriad cacti everywhere.

The only down side was getting just a tad too close to one of those cacti. A nice, big prickly pear. And unwillingly taking a bunch of its cactus spines home with me. But even that turned into an up side. It made for a really great story for friends and family.

And, um, let's just say sharp memories for weeks after, as I'd find a spine here and a needle there. I'd love to go again.

And perhaps, hike just a tad more mindfully when amongst the cacti.

The next spa weeks are in September 2009 and January and May 2010.

Photos: Ellen Perlman - cactus

Doug Setzer, Iron Girl swimming

For single travelers, two stories about dining solo

"Tourist cities are useless with single diners, especially women of a certain age." This is a line from a funny article by a woman who shares her strategy for a "successful dining-alone experience," in a Mail Online (British) story.

First tip. Have a drink before going out. For confidence. Okay, that cracked me up. But I understand that it could help.

Then, after you choose a place to dine, if the waiter is a "prat" and seats you at a bad table and won't switch you to a better one, even though the place is empty, turn around and leave. And "practise your flounce" as you exit. (I'm not sure I've got a flounce. Men, skip this bit.)

As for how to deal with your waiter, a "delicately judged bit of charm goes a long way." I love how the Brits express themselves. But really, is the waiter going to be that put off by a solo diner? I haven't found that at all. Maybe I don't eat in places that are high class enough?

A story in the Boston Globe tells solo diners to "forgo the pity, forget the BlackBerry and embrace the possibilities." I heartily agree with points one and three. But I see no reason not to check my BlackBerry or read or write something while I'm waiting for service. After all, I'm not being rude. I don't have anyone to talk to! Until the waiter shows up from time to time.

The Globe story is drearier. Talking about the "stigma" of eating alone.  "What do you even look at when you're in a restaurant by yourself?" She mentions "the sense that you've got 'Friendless' tattoed on your forehead." Oh, please!

This feels like a major bout of insecurity and self-consciousness. Is it really THAT bad? Do you really think the world is judging your whole life and character because you're seated alone? Thinking that you must be incredibly pathetic? I think not. (see other solo dining posts.)

If dining alone is that troublesome, do take out. One way or another you will survive, be fed for another day and be ready for sightseeing, hiking or whatever else it was you set out on your trip for to begin with!

Photos: Ellen Perlman

Bar at Devon Seafood Grill, Hershey, Pennsylvania. Dessert tray at same.

Seven ways to increase the chances of having a great solo vacation

Last week, a friend told me that, following my example, she decided to go solo on a cruise to the Bahamas. How was it? "The first day was crushingly lonely." Ouch. The trip was only three days. That means a third of it was lousy.

I asked for more details. It turns out she was seated at a table by herself. I've never been on a cruise but I always thought that Captain Stubing, or whoever the people in charge are, watched out for things like that. Made sure people were comfortable. I guess not.

After thinking more about her experience I've come up with a few thoughts about why she might have been lonely and how, perhaps, it could have been avoided.

1. Know thyself

What was she thinking about when she signed up? Did she assume it would be a really sociable place and she'd meet a lot of people? Was she looking for single men? Point being, were her expectations too high? Would someone else have been happy just exploring the ship and sitting by the pool with a book on that first day? Going to the casino? Going to the gym, if they had one?

2. Know thy vacation choice

Was a large ship with a lot of people the best choice? The larger the group in general, the more people will break down into families or cliques. Singletons may get lost. That might not matter to some. But it will be agonizing to others. (see # 1)

In a small group tour, on the other hand, everyone will talk to everyone. If not, there is always a guide who will see you're not having fun and hopefully scoop you up and put you under her wing. Guides are paid to be friendly.

Solo travelers can learn Spanish in Guadalajara, with breaks for salsa or cooking lessons

I just signed up to go to Guadalajara, Mexico, in October for the annual conference of my travel writers' organization. Locals know Guadalajara as the "City of the Roses," or the "Pearl of the West."

Birth place of mariachi and tequila. Year-round temperature of about 75 degrees. Suena estupendo! (sounds great)

I've decided to go a week early and take a Spanish language immersion week. Now I have a choice. I can play it "safe" and go with the travel writers group. Or I can do it independently, choosing a school and letting the school place me with a Mexican family.

I'm torn. SATW, the Society of American Travel Writers, is offering a pre-convention package that includes nights in a nice hotel and dinners with host families. Everything would be planned for me. It would be so easy and comfortable.

But I have visions of a bunch of Americans returning to the hotel at night and reverting to English. Being herded around and meeting in a lobby for a bus. Perhaps people complaining (as some people in this group are wont to do) about the quality of the lessons.

The other choice requires a fair amount of work. By me. Find a school. Find a way from the airport. Compare what programs offer and select the most appealing.

I've Googled Guadalajara Spanish schools and have come up with three that look good. I've toyed with the idea of going to a school in Puerta Vallarta a couple of hours away, to be near the beach in October. The town sticks in my head from episodes of "The Love Boat." Then again, that gives me the vision that it is full of turistas.

But I digress. The point is, there's lots to think about and plan. Some schools have set programs. In others you can choose your number of hours. Some offer salsa lessons or cooking lessons during your week. One even offers guitar lessons - if you bring a guitar.

Some of the options: IMAC Spanish Language Programs. Or the Guadalajara Language Center in Guadalajara. Or the Guadalajara Language Center in Tlaquepaque, 20 minutes outside of Guadalajara, an artisans community, famous for pottery and blown glass.

And a town that has a fun name to write and say. (I'm guessing it's pronounced tlah-kay-PAH-kay. I'd never seen the "tl" combo at the beginning of a Spanish word. But I just looked in my Spanish-English dictionary and there's one other such Spanish word. Tlapaleria. The Spanish word for hardware store. But only in Mexico.)

Hm, I'm digressing again. But I'm already getting excited about learning and practicing more Spanish. Still, decisions, decisions.

This is where that element of the unknown comes into solo travel. What to do? Where to go? How to get there? All on my own.

I admit, it's a little scary. Solo travel always is for me. Yes, there's always a pinch of fear in striking out alone, going some place I've never been, making my way around. (see my blog category on "fear and some loathing!)

Sometimes I wonder why I'm put myself through this. The answer is: I want to do what I want to do the way I want to do it. Without negotiating with anyone else. Without being in a herd of Americans.

This is what provides the exhilaration in the end. Arriving at a place and finding my way. Making that place familiar and wondering what I was ever concerned about.

And in this case, learning Spanish. And staying with a family, probably in basic accommodations, instead of checking in to a luxury hotel. Some of my friends think this is nuts, giving up the luxury option.

I did this before, in Paris, in my 20's and wrote about it in one of my first posts on this blog. It was fantastic becoming a citizen of the 17th arrondissement for a month, having a temporary family and cracking the code of French. Even if it meant sleeping in a twin bed and having a roommate.

I'm excited to try again. In Spanish. In Mexico. For a week. In three months. And you'll hear all about it here.

Photo: Rotunda in Guadalajara. Carlos E. Sainz

Advice and tips for the solo traveler

In an opinion piece in the New York Times, writer Nicholas D. Kristof offered 15 tips for traveling to "even the roughest countries." These are serious suggestions for staying safe and holding on to your money, but they're amusing all the same.

Some of my faves: 

- If you're a woman held up in an isolated area, stick out your stomach, rub it and say you're pregnant.
- If you're held up by bandits carrying large guns, shake hands "respectfully" with all of them. (Do you ask them to put the guns down first?)
- If terrorists "finger" you, start singing, "O Canada." (How do you know the terrorists don't hate Canadians? Or is this just a distraction technique anyway? If you like this tip, here's where you can memorize the tune and lyrics "...O Canada we stand on guard for thee...")

In any case, remind me not to travel with Kristof. Where does he GO, anyway?

In this story on Fox News, it's all about how to "snag the best seats" on an airplane. Sweet talk and kindness are some of the skills needed. Brush up.

The story also advises on how to snag a free upgrade to first class. Interesting advice I hadn't ever heard, about offering to give up your economy seat for a standby passenger, in exchange for a first class seat. And why that might actually work!

And finally, in a National Public Radio podcast called, "Summer Travel Outlook: Sunny, Chance of Bargains," Scott McCarthy, who writes the Wall Street Journal column, The Middle Seat, gave tips for traveling better and more cheaply this summer.

One of the coolest tips he gave Terry Gross, host of Fresh Air, was about the Web site Flightstats, which can inform you of gate changes and delays before the pilot even knows. Why is this so important?

Well, if your flight is canceled and you're stuck in a city overnight, you want to be the first on the phone to make plans for a morning flight or for a room at a local hotel before everything's booked and you're bedding down upright in an airport seat.

To that end, he suggests taking along the numbers of airport hotels in the cities you're flying from/to so you're ready with your dialing finger. I dunno. That's a little more trip preparation than I might be able to handle.

But there you have it. If you're going to travel solo, you might as well have your wits about you and make it as enjoyable and comfortable as possible. After all, you don't have a shoulder to cry on!