Adventure trip ideas for men traveling solo?

The large majority of single-sex adventure trips are geared towards women, a fact that gets under the skin of some male readers. Recently, I've begun receiving e-mail info from a company that promotes adventure trips by breaking them into categories such as "deal of the week," "family adventures," "women only" and, interestingly, "men's interest." Not "men only," but men's "interest."

I hoped, finally, I could point men toward trips geared specifically for them. Sad to say, the promotions are more a marketing conceit than anything else.

For instance, one listing promotes Bar Harbor, Maine, as "Adventure Central." So why is that "men's interest?" The release says, "Outfitters and vendors in the town of 4,820 year round residents offer sea kayaking instruction, mountain bike touring, a mountain climbing school, sailing adventures, birding expeditions, even motorcycle trips spanning the park."

I, too, like the sound of kayaking, biking, mountain climbing and sailing. Is it the motorcycle trips that make it "men's interest?" Hm.

One promotion that made me smile, though, was the suggestion that men go to 4UR Ranch in Creede, Colorado. The ranch has seven miles of private stream that will "stun even the most devout fly fishing enthusiasts." 

Fishing reminded me of "Defending the Caveman," a hilarious show about differences between the sexes. One riff is about how men don't bond by talking, as women do, but that fishing might bring them together. Says the "caveman" in his monologue:

"Men don't bond through conversation. Oh, we'll have one. We just don't bond that way. You know how men bond? It's just a lot of 'hanging out.' That's why men invent things like fishing.

"What is fishing? It's the barest excuse of an activity. It's the smallest goal you can possibly have. You've got a string in the water--something could happen.

"But--you gotta have that. You can't say to another guy, 'Hey Chuck. Wanna just go sit together by a lake?' Of course Chuck wouldn't want to go! You say, 'Come on, we'll go fishin.' And then, you can sit together all day long."

What's even funnier about the email promotion of the fishing retreat for men is that in another email, the same ranch is promoted as a "women's only fly fishing retreat" during one special week.

The description of the very same ranch then morphs to include a spa, massages, yoga, a "friendly and attentive staff" and the camaraderie of other women anglers. The "private stream" turns into a "lovely private trout stream." Ha! I guess men don't call streams "lovely."

Still, back to the "men's interest," if a guy who liked to fish were to book himself a solo trip to stay at the ranch, he might very well end up out by the stream with "Chuck" or some other guy who he meets there. And then they could bond, maybe, without having to speak much at all. 

Try as I might to find solo trips geared to men, I still haven't had much luck. Sorry guys. Not that there's anything wrong with mixing with women... 

As consolation, I'll leave you laughing (I hope) with one more monologue from Defending the Caveman. Here he talks about conversations women have that men just wouldn't engage in:

"It’s like when I got on this talk show," the caveman says. "Here’s a great example of the difference in details. I got that show and I told Erin (his wife), she went, 'Ah, that’s great. What are you gonna wear?'

To me, that was an awful question. All I could think is, if I said that to a friend of mine, I’d be making fun of him. 'Oh really? What are you gonna wear?'

But now I realize from watching her and her friends, to another woman, that’s a fine thing to ask. She was trying to ask me a question another woman would love. I watch ‘em. They ask each other that kinda stuff all the time—they LIKE it! Someone’s going somewhere--

I’m going to a wedding.

What are you gonna wear?

Well… I’m gonna wear my silk top.

Really, the turquoise?

Well, it’s more of a teal, really.

Are you gonna wear the heels?

Of course, the heels go with the top.

How about the belt?'

The belt goes with the heels—belt—purse—hair—shoes.

The more details they get, the happier they get.

She’s giving me details. She’s my friend! My husband gives me no details.

He’s a d*ck.

We don’t mean to be d*cks, we just don’t have the details. She thinks I have ‘em, but I won’t give ‘em to her.

Give me some details!

No! The other men would get mad at me!

And just because we don't have details doesn't mean we didn't have a good time. Because you know what?

I think men’s relationships are really underrated. Cause we judge men’s relationships based on women’s standards.

See, Erin looks at my relationships with my guy friends—she doesn’t think they’re any big deal. Cause she doesn’t see us doing the same things she does with her friends.

Doesn’t see us having really involved conversations, or exchanging a lot of obvious emotional stuff—so she assumes we’re miserable creatures.

But I think there’s something really cool about how guys can just… sit together.

It’s beyond words. There is something you get in that silence that’s very hard to explain. I’ve sat with a guy for a whole day, and the only conversation went like this:

Anything bitin’?

Why don’t you get me a beer?

(Other guy:) Get it yourself, d*ckhead.

Hey, I bought the beer.

(Other guy:) Hey, I got it out of the car.

It’s my F*CKING CAR!

(Other guy:) Yeah, how come you’re still driving that piece of shit?

I come home.

(Wife:) What did you guys talk about?

How do you explain the beauty?"

 

Comments

[Tom]

For the adventurous type:
http://www.incredible-adventures.com/halo-jumping.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caminito_del_Rey
http://www.gauley.com/whitewater_rafting.htm
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/02/tough_guy_challenge_2009.html
http://www.bungee.com/bzapp/volcano/index.html

[Ellen]

Tom,

Thanks for the amazing adrenaline adventure ideas. Men (and women), these are heart racing...

I've done the Gauley (or was it the New?) River in West Virginia. I hear springtime throws Class V rapids at you practically the whole way down the Gauley. Suit up, gentleman (and ladies)

Ellen

[Ted]

I think it's pretty obvious why women-only travel is proliferating like kudzu but men-only travel is scarcer than hens' teeth (I ate a mixed metaphor salad for dinner tonight). If I see an advert for a "men-only" tour, I would (like most men) immediately assume it's intended specifically for men who live in San Francisco or West Hollywood-- and quickly turn the page. Conversely, a "women-only" tour does not immediately bring Sappho to mind, unless perhaps it's a Greek island cruise with an itinerary that prominently mentions Lesbos. I have no idea why that is, but that's the way it is.

There seems to be a growing, profitable market for women-only travel because women apparently enjoy traveling in distaff groups. Presumably women feel safe and comfortable that way, possibly more so than either alone or in a mixed-gender group. Men don't bond socially in the same way, and don't find the idea of spending a vacation with a group of strangers either safe or comfortable. Going fishing or doing some other specific activity with a select group of buddies, however, is a desirable thing when that's available. So there would seem to be insufficient profit in trying to organize tour groups for men, unless you're perhaps talking about something like sex tourism in Asia (or the aforementioned "men only" tours, as I do know some gay people who have taken such specialized trips).

I also think men in general aren't as enthusiastic about travel as women are. That's probably the main reason you don't find many male solo travel enthusiasts. If we don't have a buddy to do something with, or a wife or girlfriend insisting on a family vacation or romantic getaway, we'd rather stay home and work on the car, some project, or watch sports on television (beer optional). Conversely, a woman who wants to travel will have no problem joining a group of like-minded women, since those strangers will soon become supportive friends. Or they'll just go on a trip alone. Obviously not all men (nor all women) are that way, but there's definitely something to that stereotype. I've certainly seen it.

As for there being "anything wrong with mixing with women," I can only relate my one experience with a mixed-gender singles tour. Toward the end of the first Reagan administration, my parents convinced me to take a Singleworld tour of Britain. The group had about 25 people, four of whom were men. The women, some of whom already knew each other, immediately bonded and formed their little cliques. Presumably having decided in the first 20 seconds that none of us men excited them, they all but ignored us (although they apparently found the male tour guide exciting enough to share their evening entertainment with him). We men didn't even attempt to "bond," and basically kept to ourselves (although I did go to dinner with one of them who, like me, had planned a few solo days in London after the tour). When I read about how women greatly outnumber men on tours for singles (e.g., "O Solo Mio"), I chuckle because I have a good idea why that is!

And by the way, some men actually do "bond by talking, as women do." And they don't necessarily live in San Francisco or West Hollywood. It's probably more common than you think.

[Ellen]

Ted,

I can't argue with any of your points. I saw something similar happen on a trip I went on where there were just a couple of guys and about a dozen women participants. The women bonded and pretty much ignored the men. Tough crowd. And unpleasant if you happen to be one of the men.

If I were a single guy, I'd be sure to call any company I chose to travel with and ask the ratio of men to women on any trips I'm interested in. And if not enough people are signed up to go, I'd wait.
I've done that in a different way when I went on trips that weren't purely "singles" trips. I'd ask how many other people were joining the trip alone.
Ideally there are at least a handful of solo travelers in a mixed group of singles and couples/families. And close to 50-50 of each sex in a singles group trip.
But there are no guarantees no matter what. Maybe I've been lucky but out of dozens of group adventure trips I've only hit a couple of dud groups.

[Ted]

The only group trips I would consider are those specifically dedicated to something I'm interested in. That should sidestep (or at least minimize) any concerns about gender balance and solo status. I once took a photography tour that was enjoyable even though I was the only one on the tour too young to be eligible for Medicare (that's unfortunately what has happened to camera clubs these days).

The only singles group trips I've seen advertised are cruises for which the organizer actively manages the participant list to ensure a balanced gender ratio. Absent such active management, the ratio inevitably skews strongly female. I can just imagine your hypothetical single guy calling the organizer, receiving the information about the ratio, and eagerly anticipating a wild time-- until the trip starts and he discovers how different reality is from fantasy!

If I ever did think of going on a non-special-interest, non-singles tour, I would look for one that had a low single-occupancy penalty. That would increase the likelihood of finding some single women (far more likely than single men) among the couples and families. I doubt it would be much fun to be the only single person on a tour full of couples and families, especially as a man (a woman might get "adopted" by a family, but I doubt that would happen to a man).

On the one cruise I have taken as an adult (so far), I was the only "solo sailor" on a ship full of couples and groups. They all ignored me, except for a gay couple I kept running into, and various senior couples. The seniors were the only ones who were interested in talking to me. But when the conversation inevitably turned to family and children, and I revealed that I was single and traveling solo, it immediately ground to a halt. Apparently they had never encountered such a strange creature before and had no idea what to say. "You're so brave," they said, before excusing themselves. The two couples at my dinner table ignored me as well, except when they mentioned that they had never heard of anyone taking a cruise alone. And even the gay couple-- who had taken many cruises together and shared a lot of information with me-- admitted that neither of them would ever have the guts to take a cruise alone. But I'm glad I took the cruise, even though it taught me what it means to be a stranger in a strange land. I can see how cruising might be enjoyable-- if a suitable companion ever becomes available to go with me.

[Ellen]

Ted,

There are many groups other than cruise companies that cater to "solos" which often is a much better designation than "singles" for a relaxing vacation.
I've written about them on this blog - biking, kayaking and other adventure groups - have solo weeks that cater to people traveling alone, not necessarily "single and looking for love."
Try Backroads, Zephyr Adventures and others. The category on the blog is "solo-tour operators."
As to your photography tour, I do find that the less active the trip the older it can skew. Not a given, but something to think about. If that bothers you, you need to ask tour companies their demographics and again, call ahead and double check who is on a particular trip you're interested in.
Or, maybe these types of less active group trips are not for you. Of course, you can always take photography lessons at home...

Ellen

[Ted]

Oops! I had meant to say that the only singles group trips I've seen advertised as offering a balanced gender ratio are the singles cruises with actively-managed participants. Indeed, there are numerous trips for "solos" that make no attempt to balance the gender ratio, since they're not specifically for those "looking for love."

I had also meant to say that the photography tour was enjoyable even though everyone else was far older than I was. The point is that a trip devoted to a special interest could overcome differences in age, solo status, and gender balance. Adventure trips seem to provide you with a good balance of solo travel and companionship, but for any number of reasons adventure trips aren't for me. Whatever floats your kayak, as they say.

I think the advice to ask the tour operator about "demographics" is always a good idea for anyone who isn't a "normal" customer (i.e., something other than a couple or family). But I think it's still possible to enjoy a trip even if the "demographics" aren't optimal, if it's something you specifically want to do. While the number of trips specifically for singles and solos is growing, the selection of trips that aren't specifically for singles and solos is much greater. It's possible that being the only solo person on a tour or cruise that has an itinerary that particularly interests me could be better than a trip chosen specifically because it's for singles/solos. The ideal would be a "dream" itinerary on a trip for singles/solos, but that might not exist.

[Ellen]

Other companies I've traveled with also try to balance the sexes, even though they may not advertise it. They've told me this over the phone, though they won't guarantee it.
In general, I tend to avoid solo or singles trips because they feel contrived.
I prefer to call ahead and make sure I'm not the only solo on the trip and that the group isn't made up of a majority of people who are coming together and won't be as open to meeting new people.
I've had great success in this regard. And, "some of my best friends" on those trips were couples, or halves of couples.