For the past 12 years, I've been going cross-country skiing with my good friends Adele and Sheara. It started as a way for five women with young children to "escape" for a little while to get some time for themselves. And some sleep.
I got that all the time, but they let me along for the ride.
Our annual outing continues but just with the three of us. Now, Adele's and Sheara's kids are almost "all growed up," to the point where Sheara is going to visit her son Jared, 17, in Barcelona in a couple of weeks.
Sheara has decided to go to Spain three days early and poke around the city on her own. She's excited and nervous at the same time.
She asked me: "What do I do by myself at night? I know Barcelona barely sleeps. I need my beauty sleep. Do I just go to sleep?" Great question.
If I were to start a "Dear Ellen" column, I'd say, "Dear Sleepless in Barcelona. The short answer is 'Yes. Do what you want to do at all times. Don't feel pressured to fit in. Plenty of Barcelonians are sleeping when you'd like to sleep. You just don't see them. Because...um...they're sleeping.
"In any case, you want to be rested for all the exploring you're going to do during the day. Those people who are out all night are snoring away perfectly good museum-visiting and cafe-sitting hours.
"
But I gave her an even lengthier answer, which I'll share here. First off, I'm the first to admit that nights alone are tough. It's why I mostly choose to go on active group trips and travel with the community the tour operator has put together.
I love poking around cities on my own, but I never plan a trip where I spend more than a few consecutive nights doing so. I'm never sure whether or not I will start to feel isolated. BUT......having said that...
Here are ten and a half tips for nights alone in a big city:
1.
Casual restaurants usually feel more comfortable than more formal or
pricey ones. But if there's one you really want to try, one that maybe was highly
recommended by a guidebook, or whatever, do go. How many chances are you
going to get to try that Catalan acorn squash soup at Agut d'Avignon or the crepes flambeed tableside at Reno? Or any other dish at one of the 10 best restaurants in Barcelona.
2.
Bring a crossword puzzle or postcards to entertain yourself. Better
than a book or magazine because they're easier to interrupt when the
food comes. And you're more likely to look up while you're thinking
about a clue or something to tell friends back home. When you look up,
you might catch someone's eye or someone might engage you in
conversation. Or you'll pay attention to the fact that you are doing this really cool thing - vacationing on your own and doing what you please.
3. Eat dinner at the bar. Bartenders and barflies are likely to
chat with solo diners. Diners, solo and otherwise, tend to be more open and friendly at the bar. The unwritten rule is that by virtue of being there, you are open to conversation, as opposed to when you sit alone
at a table. Although I've gotten to the point where I lean over and talk to people at the table next to me who, most of the time, are only too happy to chat.
4. Keep your eyes open for a dining companion
during your stay by finding reasons to talk to random people. Maybe someone drinking a coffee next to you at the museum coffee shop is open to conversation. Ask her what posters she just bought. Or where she's from.
In line for something? Strike up a
conversation with someone behind or ahead and see where it leads. (Yes, I know some of you say "on line" but I grew up
in New York saying "in line.")
5.
You don't HAVE to make a big deal out of dinner if you're having trouble breaking the psychological barrier of dining alone. But do get
out and about. I had a nothing-special pizza dinner
in Madrid. I went to a touristy place because it felt easy and I was in the mood for easy.
I ended up having social hour with an American couple at the table next to me. I don't remember who started it, but we talked throughout the meal. If there was a restaurant you really wanted to try and couldn't face during the crowded dinner hour, see if it's open at lunch. Lunch time has a whole different feel.
6.
Walk the streets. Evenings don't have to be about food. I had fun in Madrid watching
couples and groups of 20-somethings heading out for a night on the town. All dressed up with someplace to go. I followed a crowd of people to see where they were going and found a
part of town I hadn't yet visited on my own.
7. Don't worry about
not being part of the night scene. That scene is about friends getting
together after a hard work week, to party and drink. Do you do that
at home every night? Me neither. It's okay if you don't partake in "the
scene" in Barcelona either.
8. Do what feels comfortable. I
wanted to see flamenco dancing in Madrid. But I couldn't get myself to
go across town after dark to the flamenco place that I'd read was one of the
more authentic ones. Okay, so I went across the street to the one that had a deal with the hotel to send its guests over.
It was a comfortable compromise for me. I got to
see the dancing and hear the music. So what if long tables were filled
with German and American tour groups?
The older gentleman at the
table next to me noticed I was alone and starting talking to me. Some
English, some Spanish. He was with a younger couple. Eventually, they
left and he invited me to finish my coffee at his table.
9. Eat
at an outdoor cafe. It might not be great advice for March but I was in
Madrid in June. I sat at a table and had a nice time people watching.
There was a playground in the middle of Plaza Santa Ana and it was a hoot to watch the parents with the wild ones.
10.
Try not to spend more than an hour or so before bed in your hotel
room. Wander, window shop, do whatever. Absorb the culture.
Otherwise, why are you there?
10.5. Read TheStreet.com's
story on seven ways to make a business trip feel like a vacation.
Several of the tips apply to vacationing solo too.
10.75. Have a great time, Sheara, and let us know how it went.
Photos 1 and 3: Ellen Perlman
1. Sheara and Adele cross-country skiing in Jackson, NH.
2. Ellen and Adele in Jackson, NH, photo by Sheara.
3. Playground in the middle of Plaza Santa Ana, Spain.
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